The murky business of grooming

Lately, there have been many reports about the trafficking of young girls and children, abused, being sold into domestic slavery and prostitution. It is not only the local children who are being targeted but young girls are being imported from various parts of India.  Children are targeted by professional agents who groom them and then coerce into a dangerous future.  A decade ago the valley was hit by the infamous sex scandal in which many powerful people were involved.   Whatever comes into the public domain is just a tip of the iceberg. Unfortunately, there is no mechanism or agency to monitor such heinous crimes. 

Grooming is a sinister act of befriending vulnerable and not only abusing their trust but using them deliberately for wicked purposes.   It is mostly done by sexual predators who target the vulnerable and young children.  Grooming is also defined as someone building an emotional connection with a child to gain their trust for the purposes of sexual abuse or exploitation.  Any age group can be groomed but people on the two extremes, young and older, are particularly vulnerable.

In the current times, there are multiple channels to groom, may it be face to face, phone and online.  It is not easy to detect grooming and even the victims fail to see any wrongdoing at the start. The predator can be known or unknown to the victim, mostly a stranger but sometimes a family member, family friend or a professional with an easy access to the children. Groomers can be male or female of any age.

Groomers are shrewd and take their time to win the trust of the vulnerable person. They usually target those who are weak and prone to suggestibility.  Groomers’ study their victims thoroughly, find their weaknesses and then target them using the same.  Children and young people are not able to understand that they have been groomed, or that what has been happening is abuse.  It is usually late when they realise that they are being used and abused.  Once the groomer has gained enough trust of their victims, they try to isolate them from their family, friends and neighbours.  They are made to feel dependent. They use any means of power or control to make their victims believe that they have no choice and have to do what is being ordered. Groomers often use ‘secrets’ they have gained from the victim to control and frighten them in future. It often ends as blackmail, and subsequently making the victim feel guilty and ashamed to stop them divulging the abuse to anyone else.

Online grooming is very common and most difficult to detect for any parent.  Groomers often use fake accounts, names and ages to befriend the vulnerable.  They often study the online behaviour, profile and updates of their victims and then use the same as bait. Groomers may not always meet their victims in person but often involve them in an online sexual activity like sending explicit messages, asking for nude pictures or have sexual conversations online or by text messages.  They often use the same conversations as evidence against their victims as a threat if the victims refuse to comply or if they try to seek help. Children do not disclose such liaisons because of shame, guilt, threats, unaware that they are groomed and at times they really believe in the relationship.  As per some studies, sexual grooming of children over the internet is most common in the age group of 13–17 years followed by 13–14 year.  The majority of the victims are girls.  The mobile phone is used in most cases of victimisation and children with behavioural issues are highly vulnerable.

War and conflict zones are particularly known for grooming and human trafficking and there is enough evidence from the published literature.  Grooming gets murkier when it is used by states and agencies to gather information and intimidate.  Hence, any war or conflict zone in the world becomes a hell for children and those who are not able to protect themselves.  Grooming not only puts lives at risk, but can lead to perpetual abuse and human trafficking. Women and young children are often the first targets.  The secrecy and the fear make the situation worse.  Unfortunately, Kashmir is one such place and grooming is common.   The situation is made worse by poverty, joblessness, broken families and orphans in thousands.

Once a child is groomed, it does not take long to get the family coerced into the same as poor people have hardly any escape and non-cooperation is dealt with threats and intimidation. Mind you if they have groomed a child, they would keep all the evidence like phone calls, text messages, and online chat etcetera and if the child or the family wants to backup, they would use the same on them and force them to do things they may not do otherwise. The abuse usually starts with friendly talk, exchange of petty favours, mobile phones till the groomer gains enough power over the victim.  Unfortunately, this not only leads to sexual abuse but often ends up them being used for information gathering and spying on their own family, relatives and neighbours.  Often the victims end up as accused when things come out by an accident leading to devastating consequences not only for the abused but society at large.

It becomes imperative on parents and guardians to remain mindful of their children’s activities both in the real world and online.  It is not uncommon for the groomers to befriend the families to get access to the children.  Similarly, schools though mostly safe cannot be ignored and any sign of unusual behaviour in a child should be taken seriously.  If a child is using a phone or the internet, parents need to know what is going on, what online sites the children are accessing and whom they are talking to. If your child comes with a new phone, gifts or anything you believe they cannot afford, it should never be ignored.  With all good cultural practices, we do have a problem of open door access to anyone and in the current age, this may not be the best idea and seeking permission to enter is not rude but recommended.  Anyone may it be your neighbour or a friend, visiting your home more often that necessary should be taken with caution.

There is no specific law in relation to sexual grooming.  While children in Indian states are safeguarded by the Protection of Children from Sexual Offenses Act (POSCO 2012), Jammu and Kashmir has not bothered to introduce it yet and there is no equivalent law as well. POSCO 2012 applies to children under the age of 18 years and gives protection from sexual abuse and intends to protect the child through all stages of judicial process giving paramount importance to the principle of “best interest of the child”. The State Commissions for Protection of Child Rights (SCPCR) are empowered under this law and need to be informed within 24 hours of any report of abuse. This may be one of the safeguards Jammu & Kashmir state can introduce to protect young children.

The Criminal Law (amendment) Act, 2013, was passed by the Indian Parliament in the aftermath of the Delhi gang-rape. The J&K assembly adopted the amendments in March 2016 but left intact the impunity for the prosecution of public servants. Which essentially means any act of sexual abuse or related acts by the security forces will not be prosecuted.  Ironically the only thing assembly has advocated is that the driving licence of the accused should be suspended and if proved guilty should have no right to drive.

J&K Juvenile Justice (Care & Protection) Act 2013 as implemented in Jammu & Kashmir is also silent about sexual abuse and related issues and seems mostly brought into force to justify the detention of juveniles, defined as children under the age of 18 years.  It defines a child in need as someone who is being or likely grossly abused, tortured or exploited for the sexual abuse or illegal acts, or who is being inducted into drug abuse or trickling,  or who is being abused or likely abused for unconscionable gains.  But when it comes to safeguarding and prevention of such crimes, the Act 2013 is silent and hence of no use.

It is the responsibility of everyone to be aware of such acts, people and safeguard children and families. The State needs to make adequate legal provisions including the introduction of POSCO or equivalent law with the establishment of Children’s Commission.  Keeping in view the age of mobile phones and the internet, the law needs to keep pace with the time.  The civil society also needs to look after those who being victims of the conflict are dependent and vulnerable so that they do not fall into this trap.  Finally, the anti-human laws giving impunity to any individual need to be scrapped as there is no justification for allowing abuse and trafficking of children.

http://www.risingkashmir.com/news/the-murky-business-of-grooming  

Just Drive- A Reflection

Many years ago, when I started taking driving lessons in Srinagar, the instructor gave me only one advice.  Just drive.  He had an old Maruti 800 and while driving on the chaotic roads of downtown Srinagar, he would say just drive, doesn’t matter who comes in front of you. ‘This is my car, and I don’t mind you damaging it’.  I suppose he was trying to take the fear out of me (though I doubt I was ever fearful).  After only having a few such lessons I bought a car.  You can imagine my driving skills apart from ‘Just drive’.

I remember one day I asked my friend let’s go for a drive to SKIMS Soura from SMHS doctors hostel at Karan Nagar.  I was barely able to use first and second gear of the car. I think it took us few hours to reach SKIMS, and although I tried my best, I could not get into 3rd gear. I suppose one cannot drive going forwards only and when it came to reversing, I was not able to manage that either but somehow turned around. 

Looking back on this experience, although at the time it was probably thrilling and exciting, it surely was a blunder and risk not only to me and my friend, but others driving and walking on the road.  I don’t know whom to blame, myself, the driving instructor who taught me ‘just drive’ and nothing more or the licensing department who issue licenses without proper tests.  But at the end of the day, it was me who made the decision to drive when I knew I should not have.

Many years later, when I had to take a driving test in the United Kingdom, I realised the importance of the driving rules and necessary training.  Believe me, the driving test was the toughest exam of my life (though I can’t remember how many exams I have taken by now), even though I had driven more than 100000 miles before.

We should never take driving lightly, life is precious and any vehicle is a potential weapon which can kill and disable.

©MudasirFirdosi

A curios case of moral hypocrisy

The British Raj created a special service to rule the undivided India after the rebellion of 1857. The sole purpose of this new service was to rule, control and extort taxes, on behalf of the British monarchy. It had nothing to do with serving common people. The commonly known Indian Civil Service (ICS) was actually created in 1958 as the Imperial Civil Service. Sooner it became the steel backbone of the British Raj. At one point, a small cadre of little over thousand people ruled more than 300,000,000 Indians. Each officer had an average of 300,000 subjects, and virtually controlled every aspect of their subject’s lives. Hence, with a handful of clever, shrewd and rather ruthless people, a small country like England was able to control a vast and populous country like India.

At the time of the partition, there were 980 ICS officers consisting of 468 Europeans, 352 Hindus, 101 Muslims, and the rest from other communities. The service was divided into the Indian Administrative Service (IAS) and Civil Service of Pakistan (CSP). The British Empire has gone but it left behind one of its biggest legacies or curses. The first Prime Minister of India is known to have ridiculed the service and noted that someone had defined the service as, “with which we are unfortunately still afflicted in this country, as neither Indian, nor civil, nor a service”. Gradually, the service became untouchable and all-powerful, taking the shape of a coloniser within. The governance and democratic institutions having become its slave, we have thousands of monarchs in today’s time working on the same old colonial principles with total domination. Has the British legacy succeeded and brought the country to its knees? Has the service maintained its glory till date by doping the common people?

A friend from Bihar told me that parents are happy to fund their children as long as they are preparing for the civil services exam. The brightest brains with professional degrees from institutes like IITs, IIMs, and medical schools are sucked in. What makes IAS so prestigious? Is it the average salary? No, I do not think so. Professionals can make much more by honest means. Does the type of work and contribution to society make it desirous? One has to be a fool to believe that. The perks and the secondary, side sources do make it attractive as long as one is ready to compromise one’s integrity. Any graduate, with an average intelligence, can perform the said duties as there is hardly anything professional or technical about it. With a few months of training, you are supposed to run any department and that is why any graduate from any background can apply to join.

This brings us back to the societal hypocrisy contrary to the values we try to teach our children. We still love and respect people who rule us than those who serve us. There are unlimited opportunities for corruption once you are an alleged civil servant. A recent survey showed India to be among the worst corrupt countries due to this rigid and self-serving bureaucracy. The crony capitalism is another gift of the service. The service still commands the power which it had during the colonial times and has made sure that every aspect of your life is hostage to its interference. The power strangely comes with respect, maybe out of fear or the hangover of the slave mentality. Hence, professions like teachers, nurses and academics hardly matter in our kind of society, as corruption and power is what people aspire to. By qualifying an exam, a person suddenly becomes a VVIP, an elite and ultimately out of reach to a common man. Why is that? And how is it compatible with justice and principles of democracy?

How can you afford the lavish lifestyle of one class of employees and fail to pay even basic salary to the front line workers? You may be able to punish politicians by sending them out of power at the next election, but there is no way of holding Babus accountable. The failure of various public services and institutions run by these generalist elites is no secret. They may have been relevant and effective a century ago, but in the current age, institutions and services ought to be run by technocrats, engineers, scientists, and academicians, who actually have the knowhow of respective fields. Is it not scandalous that important services like health and education are failing us for this simple reason? If by some chance a department is managed by experts in the field, they are hardly allowed to function independently. All this is done to command power and keep control, doesn’t matter what the cost.

“Time and again, questions have been raised about the imperviousness, wooden-headedness, obstructiveness, rigidity, and rule- and procedure- bound attitude of the bureaucracy. Indian bureaucrats are said to be a power centre in their own right at both the national and state levels, and are extremely resistant to reform that affects them or the way they go about their duties’’, notes a study from IIM Ahmedabad. Hence the business of never ending files finding it hard to move from table to table. What is the contribution of the civil service to society? Try to make a guess. Are we not losing best brains to a service which is meant to do more harm than good? The same job can be done by an average graduate on a much less expense and better efficiency. If the service was any good, why didn’t the British take it home?

I am in no way trying to take a dig at those who join the service and why wouldn’t one aspire to be elite more so when there are hardly any jobs around. The problem is with our collective hypocrisy, the societal attitude and how it has glorified a service beyond its merits without any real reason. Our Media goes amok for weeks once someone, as they call it ‘cracks’ the said exam. A public figure and celebrity is born overnight. But I wonder why? What do people think will change by someone qualifying an exam and taking a managerial position? Compare this to a scholar, who is awarded a degree. The poor fellow has to pay for a small press release on page three. No one is ready to write a few lines unless in exceptional circumstances and people hardly take notice. Some employees being special than others just because the service used to rule on behalf of a monarchy centuries ago is preposterous. Doesn’t it speak volumes about our collective moral bankruptcy?

In the context of Jammu & Kashmir, it is not hard to imagine the service doing exactly what it used to do for the British. A local Babu with whatever beliefs and values, signing the detention papers of a juvenile, supervising and at times covering up incidents of human rights abuse is no secret. I read recently on social media that one of the Deputy Commissioners has a fetish for using PSA on local youth. The argument that locals in the civil service is good for native population is mere rationalisation as they have to prove loyalty to their masters by going the extra mile which at times means legitimising the brutalisation and occupation. It hardly matters how well-meaning one may be, the system has to be obeyed without any ifs and buts. It demands absolute surrender, loyalty and there is no room for doubt or questioning. Guess who is pulling the trigger and who is in command?

So when people talk about serving humanity, earning an honest living, the betterment of the society, ending poverty, the alleged civil service is hardly the way to go. I am no way against people joining the civil service, but it should not be at the cost of false morality, making role models of people who are simply an extension of a failed and corrupt self-serving service. I do not have to explain how various departments function once such officers take charge no matter how well-meaning they may be. People need to think long and hard how they make gods out of ordinary people and in return make their own lives hell. It is time to rethink this colonial system if the society has to come out of the clutches of corruption, crony capitalism, and VVIP menace. You may be thinking how will the system function without these elite officers? But THE question you should be asking instead is; is anything working now?

http://www.risingkashmir.com/news/a-curios-case-of-moral-hypocrisy 

KASHMIR WHATABOUTERY

Kashmir has been simmering with violence for a long time now. The recent escalation and killing of civilians in Handwara brought in a fresh wave of grief for most Kashmiris. The feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and frustration again surged to a peak. As usual, the deliberate apathy from authorities, criminal silence from most media houses and hardly any noise from international community came as no surprise. While all this was happening, there were many people who started condoning the brutal acts. Some could not hide their joy as evident from the social media responses and sadly among these people were some fellow Kashmiris.

One could understand that Indians who are constantly fed lies by the media and politicians in the alleged national interest may not show any sympathy but it is hard to understand why would a Kashmiri of any faith, knowing what is going on, even think of condoning cold blooded murders. People take to the propaganda channels and shamefully defend what is being done under the garb of draconian laws. Surprisingly, most of these people are well educated and liberal in their beliefs when it comes to matters other than the plight of common Kashmiri. Before I say any further, let me make it clear that I am not trying to generalise or paint everyone with the same brush. Most people irrespective of their faith are humane and feel the pain of other human beings. There are many Indians and fellow Kashmiris from every background who condemn the brutality on civilians and share the common grief.

The army and state machinery actively shifted the blame and attention to the minor girl and all sorts of excuses started coming through. But whatever the situation, there is never any justification for killing unarmed civilians that too by armed forces of a democracy apparently proud of its secular constitution. It is not the first time when gross excesses and use of undue force has been excused by the very same reasonable people who leave no stone unturned to seek justice, provided it is not about Kashmir. By using various buzzwords like global terrorism, Pakistan, Islamophobia, and whataboutery every attempt is made to justify the brutalities on the civilian population.

One can still understand or dismiss such evasion by those ignorant of facts or those with malice of any kind. But things really get bizarre when some fellow Kashmiris start with ‘as you sow, so shall you reap’ argument. Lately, this has become a common discourse on social media. This has put me in a moral dilemma. Should I respond using the same very rhetoric, what bad things have you done that lead to migration from the homeland? Would that be a reasonable argument? I do not think so and I believe few of bigoted minds do not represent the whole community. What are they actually trying to achieve by telling a mother that your son died because of your sins and not a bullet from Indian army? Many things can be disputed but the fact remains that Jammu and Kashmir was divided amongst themselves by India and Pakistan and the local population on every side of the divide deprived of a dignified existence. They are even excluded from being a party to their own destiny. Hence this mouthful of ‘as you sow, so shall you reap’ does not hold any ground as lives of Kashmiris were taken over long back by neighbouring countries and whatever is happening now is just a manifestation of a long unresolved dispute.

All Kashmiris have suffered whether Muslims, Pandits, Sikhs or others. We are being used against each other and some of us are so gullible that we fail to see the deception. Whenever there is a brutality by the armed forces or police against common people, many armchair intellectuals come up with counter arguments of whataboutery to justify the acts. What about Kashmiri Pandits? This is the most abused question in our history. It is often asked for justifying de-humanisation, brutal attacks, rape and torture of common Kashmiris. Do you not think it is the time tested divide and rule policy? Does it not trivialise the suffering of Kashmiri Pandits that they are being used to defend horrific human rights abuses by the Indian forces towards a particular population? Unfortunately, many of the Kashmiri Pandits themselves have become victims of this whataboutery and refuse to see beyond hate and revenge politics. I do not understand how the suffering of one human being can be used to justify atrocity on another human being. Do these champions of whataboutery think of those Pandits who decided to stay in the valley? During the devastating Kashmir floods in 2014, when people were crying for help and millions were submerged under water, the same argument of ‘what about Kashmiri Pandits’ was often used by some of our brethren to cover the failure of state machinery. Sadly this question has been asked so many times even on petty issues that probably people do not take it seriously anymore. I wonder how long will the well-educated and intellectually rich community allow such people to belittle their suffering and continue to act as a political punch bag. Is this not creating further division among Kashmiris? Are they not poisoning the thoughts of their own children? How would there be any trust if people are not mindful of each other’s pain?

You do not condemn what happened to Pandit community is another common rhetoric to condone whatever is going on. It is a fair question and no words are enough to condemn the black spot on our history. But can you talk about it every time some brutality is inflicted on Kashmiris? Leaving one’s home is terrible and hard to put in words. At the same time living in a perpetual state of fear not knowing when the next bullet may hit your son is not easy either more so when you have nowhere to go even if you want to leave your homeland for the safety of your children. Should a grieving mother first condemn other wrongs before being allowed to mourn her loss?

I fully respect if someone wants Jammu and Kashmir as part of India. But how does it justify brutality on those who do not share the same vision? Just brushing everything as a creation of Pakistan in Kashmir is obviously an absurdity. A Pandit Prime Minister of the erstwhile Jammu and Kashmir was dismissed as he favoured joining Pakistan and a Muslim leader chose to trust India for help because he wanted the state independent and hoped a democracy will do justice and keep its word. History is witness to how we got here and how tactics of deceit, corruption and brutal means left us with nothing. Let us not mislead out children by giving a religious colour to the historical dispute.

Is it not time the two communities try to bridge gaps than create further division? The generations born in last few decades may fear each other; see others as monsters and probably murderers. Not that it is their fault but it is the lies which have been fed to them for one reason or other by the hyper-nationalist Indian media and confabulating writers. Some grew up away from Kashmir seeing their elders longing for homeland and some grew up under the shadow of the gun under dehumanising circumstances. Our elders have a big role to play in educating the future generations that we share same past and future.   Unless people meet and mix, talk to each other, reflect and empathise, this divide is not going to get any better.

The rhetoric of healing touch for Kashmiris living across the state and outside has failed as India is still not sincere in resolving the long-standing dispute. But let us not kill more of our children and at the same time get used by the Indian propaganda machinery for justifying such acts. Let us be fair to condemn what is wrong and give up blinding sympathy of any kind, may it be nationalism or religion. Hope Kashmiri Pandit suffering is not trivialised anymore to justify brutalities of the army and let no more blood be spilt to remove a bunker. It is time that some cogent steps are taken to recognise the human rights abuses and the dispute resolved peacefully by respecting the aspirations of the people of Jammu and Kashmir. India and Pakistan cannot play with lives of people of the Jammu and Kashmir just to keep their naïve voters busy with politics of hate forever. The resolution of the dispute is the only way all Kashmiris can get justice otherwise, the blood game is going to deprive countless mothers of their children and many more of their humanity.

Originally published in RAIOT.in

http://raiot.in/kashmir-whataboutery/