This year the United Nations Secretary General’s Campaign “UNiTE”
called for the ‘16 Days Activism’ to end violence against women by organising
“Orange Events” worldwide held between November 25 (International Day for the
Elimination of Violence against Women) to December 10 (Human Rights Day).
Killing of women by their in-laws is common in the Indian subcontinent
with India, Pakistan and Bangladesh trying to outdo each other. Reports
suggest that bride burning accounts for death of at least one woman every hour
in India. In most cases, fire is set by their nearest family and in some cases
they set fire to themselves out of desperation. Official figures from India’s
National Crime Records Bureau revealed that 8233 young women were killed in
so-called dowry deaths in 2012 and 8083 such deaths in 2013. Similarly in
Pakistan, around 3000 women have been burnt alive since 2008, and 300 women are
burnt by their families every year. Unfortunately, Kashmir too has been in the
news lately for cases of domestic violence, throwing acid on girls and burning
women alive.
One wonders why such gruesome acts are committed by civilised people.
Many theories have been proposed talking about the historic practices of
burning woman, inferior status of a woman in the society, patriarchy, women
being treated merely as objects and disposable items, sexism, misogyny etcetera
but none of this can explain exactly why simply divorcing or leaving her does
not suffice and why people have to go to this extreme brutality. Despite being
a criminal act, inhuman and surely prohibited by any religion why do we still
have such cases? Is it akin to the corruption that no amount of religious
teaching or fear of God would make it not doable?
Recently a friend argued that such acts are happening in Kashmir because
men are feeling powerless and emasculated due to the ongoing conflict situation
and have lost control on their lives. Targeting females starting from domestic
voice to and such brutal acts somehow gives a vent to their frustration and
they get some sense of control. One may accept this theory but it does not
answer the basic question. Also in most of the cases, it is not men in
isolation who set fire to a woman; it is usually women who run the mafia.
Hence, the case that men are solely responsible for this brutality is not
entirely true. It is usually the extended family including mother, sisters,
aunts who float the idea that the daughter-in-law has not done enough or
brought enough and she deserves to suffer or die.
One could think that this could be due to poor education, illiteracy and
poverty as we often blame everything wrong in society on such factors. But,
again most cases happen in allegedly respectable, well-educated middle-class
families, who have no financial crisis or starving due to poverty. It would not
be wrong to say that every mother-in-law is a mother of a daughter and every
husband is a brother or a father as well. But then why does the same
mother, mother- in-law, husband or brother find it so easy to set someone
ablaze just because she is not a blood relation? I am not sure what the answer
is, are you?
It is fair to argue that people who indulge in such acts/homicides are
not suffering from an impairment of mind and they are perfectly able to
understand their actions and its consequences. In fact, the inhuman and
criminal mind-set makes them cunning and they plan the brutality with a cold
heart. They usually get away with covering up the incident and in most cases
the victim is blamed for her death, may be suicide or some other reason.
Talking of the Valley, we come on roads protesting for issues which can
be as trivial as the installation of electric meters or the ongoing acts of
brutality due to the conflict situation. We invoke religion on every aspect of
life and criticise people when there is an occasion of happiness or celebration,
alleging people are not mindful of the ongoing conflict and there is no fear of
Allah in their hearts. We close down roads for days when an innocent is burnt
to death by communal forces (I am not trivialising the incident and no amount
of protest would suffice), but we do not react when a woman is burned alive by
one of our neighbours. There are no strike calls, no agitation on roads as if
nothing has happened. There are no sermons by religious leaders and self-styled
moral critics on social media do not find such acts that interesting. Even the
wazwan and singing on weddings finds more space when it comes to moral
policing. I am not arguing whether all those acts are right or wrong. I am just
trying to say that surely those acts are more important to us than when a woman
is brutalised, violated or burned alive. This speaks volumes about the cultural
acceptance of such gruesome practices against women compared to the other often
trivial issues.
Despite there being laws in place, like a ban on sex determination, we
still see female foeticide and worsening sex ratio. The core beliefs that
females are a burden and inferior are so ingrained and deep rooted that even
females themselves have become the victims of same thought process and
ultimately often the perpetrators of such crimes. What can help to change such
mind-set? Presumably religion, education, prosperity, laws, morality so on and
so forth would be the answer. But aren’t those factors already there and
instead of improving the situation, why has it gone worse? Are we deeply
hypocritical and misogynistic? Domestic violence against women is rampant in
all forms may it be emotional, sexual and physical, usually accepted as fate
and often the victims don’t realise that they are being maltreated. Ultimately
burning alive of a woman is the final expression of such mind-set.
What would it take to stop this cruelty and menace? Are we using
religion selectively to further compromise the position of woman in our society
when it should have made them safer and more respectable? Are we inculcating a
type of slave mentality in female children from the time they are born? Are we
giving them constant reminders that they are not equal, dependent and somehow
there to please the men may it be their father, brother or husband? Are we
talking about morals only when women doesn’t agree with the current
social regime or does something not considered right by the society but then
somehow passively agree with what men do or demand? After all, why is it
acceptable in broader terms that one can burn his wife or daughter-in-law just
because somehow they are not happy with her?
Do we consider divorce worse than burning alive?
The answer is yes, there is more shame in breaking a marriage than
killing.
So what is the solution? I am not sure, but probably it will start by
considering woman as equal, as human and as worthy of living as are men. The
culture of subjugation, dependence and inferiority needs to change and it will
need much more than education and sermons. It needs a practical change in the
way men feel entitled for special treatment in their own homes. Why do we feel
humiliated or even shy in helping our women in the kitchen even though both
partners may be working the whole day in full-time jobs?
Surely men are not more special and do some wonders which woman can’t.
It is time that men change their mind-set than teaching daughters that they
need to adjust every time something wrong is done to them. Surely, if women are
confident and aware about their rights and somehow don’t feel they have to
oblige no matter what; they would not put up with a family who is ultimately
going to burn them alive.
The law needs to get stringent and fair and any family which is proved
to have engaged in domestic violence or such heinous crime, need to be
monitored and punished. Domestic violence in a broader sense needs to be
discussed and women need to be mindful when to say no and raise their voice and
seek help.
Confidential helplines for women suffering from domestic violence could be
of great help and may encourage many to seek help before they reach the point
of no return. There are always tell-tale signs and if we are aware, many cases
can be prevented. The government has to take responsibility and provide
adequate alternatives when women are subject to domestic violence so that they
don’t feel there is nowhere to go but to accept their miserable
existence.
Finally, it is women themselves who can change this status quo as
without them men would not be able to stand a chance, so it is time to break
such collaborations and refuse to be the victims of gas-lighting.
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